All Or Nothing
by McSteamy
Summary: A year after the middle of season two, what if Derek is getting married and Meredith is in a relationship, can they really, be apart or is the pain too much?


Kian was always a replacement for Derek, he left after Meredith told him that she was no longer in love with him, but it was all a lie to make him think. The truth is she loves Derek more than anything in the world. They were going to have a life together start a family; they were going to be the family she had always dreamed of.

_Rain was pounding down on Derek and Meredith face, Meredith's eyes were puffy and red like she had been crying. _

"_Meredith how can you let us end like this,"_

"_Because, you left me, when I told you to pick me choose me love me, you left me all alone and broken, and just because you decided to stop playing house with Addison you can use me again, well Derek that is not gonna happen," _

"_Meredith I never used you I love you that much,"_

"_Love isn't enough,"_

"_If you look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me then I will know that we are over and I will leave you alone,"_

_It took her five minutes to do it but she looked him straight in the eye and told him _

"_I don't love you any more,"_

_She walked away and he broke down to the floor in a fit of sobs, _

Meredith sat in her house remembering that day, a year ago. She let a small tear trickle down her cheek. She had met Kian she was at Joe's with Izzie, he was a attorney, they clicked instantly. They have been dating for a year now.

Everyday Meredith thought about Derek, she would hear someone talking about a stupid little thing and instantly think of Derek, even though all the hurt and the pain she had been through, that lit up her day.

If was her fault Derek left not his, she was the one who lied through her teeth just so she would leave him alone, but she didn't think he would do a disappearing act.

She had not heard from Derek in a year and now she was sitting with an envelope with his handwriting on it. She didn't know what to do. It had been lying in her drawers for days and now, it was finally time to face the truth.

_Dear Meredith, _

_I am so sorry that this is the first time you are hearing from me in a year, that day you told me you didn't love me was the day my life ended, I had to get out of Seattle and away from you. I was going to stay and fight for you but then I though what is the point, you don't want me so why should I waste my breathe, so I moved back to New York. _

_The real reason for this letter is to tell you that I am getting married again, the wedding is in a month and well I didn't want you to hear it from some one else. _

_I love you Meredith Grey always have done always will do but now I am moving on, I don't think we will ever see each other again in life, _

_I wish you the best Meredith,_

_All My Love _

_Derek_

_x_

As Meredith read the letter a constant flow of tears ran down her face, he was moving on, he was re marring, but some how she wished the woman he was remarrying was her. She knew that deep down that she loved him but now it was over,

He was no longer hers.

Meredith had avoided contact with anyone for two days now, she only got up out of her bed for the toilet, and she wasn't eating, drinking nothing. Nobody knew what to do, they had never seen her like this before, when Derek left she wasn't this bad, she took things as they came to her, but now she was know one.

_Looking back on the memory of  
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above   
For a moment all the world was right  
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye_

She thought about all the times they had been happy, she remembered when Derek and her both admitted they loved each other to their faces.

"**Meredith, I know that you and I have only been dating a while now, but I have fallen in love with you,"**

"**I have fallen for you too,"**

"**Tell me you love me for me to believe it,"**

"**I love you,"**

_And now I'm glad I didn't know  
The way it all would end, the way it all would go   
Our lives are better left to chance  
I could have missed the pain  
But I'd have had to miss the dance_

She remembered all the times they would just lay there in each others arms and not say anything because no word were needed.

_Holding you, I held everything  
For a moment wasn't I a king  
But if I'd only known how the king would fall  
Hey who's to say? You know I might have changed it all_

**As they walked into the trailer a smile grew on Meredith's face, **

"**Derek I love this trailer, why were you so afraid of telling me,"**

"**I thought you might of hated it, because it wasn't a house or it wasn't something fancy and I know that is not you but I never expected it to love it this much,"**

"**I love it as much as I love you,"**

_And now I'm glad I didn't know  
The way it all would end the way it all would go  
Our lives are better left to chance  
I could have missed the pain  
But I'd have had to miss the dance_

The pain of missing Derek was too strong and would now never go away.

_It's my life, it's better left to chance  
I could have missed the pain  
But I'd have had to miss the dance_

Meredith was sleeping when all of a sudden she heard her door creek open, she saw a thin figure with massive curly hair, and she knew this was Cristina,

"Meredith, why are you all alone in this dark room,"

"He is getting married,"

"Who"

"Derek, after a year of hearing nothing I find out he is getting married,"

"Oh Mer,"

"I received a letter a week or two ago and never opened it until the other day, it was from him,"

"Meredith…" was all the Cristina Yang could say, she never was good with these situations usually she would kick Meredith out of bed but now was not the time for that.

So Cristina just lay with her.

Meredith avoided Kian all of the week, he was constantly calling her or texting her, he was being too clingy.

Meredith was walking into the hospital when she heard her name being called.

"Meredith,"

She turned round and saw Kian.

"Kian hey,"

"I have been trying to call you all week,"

"Sorry I lost my phone and wasn't feeling too well," she lied

"Well I was thinking that we could go for dinner tonight?"

"I can't I'm working night shift sorry,"

All of a sudden Meredith's pager went off.

"I have to take this,"

And she ran off without a kiss goodbye.

When she went inside she saw Cristina standing in the lobby/

"Thought you could use some help,"

"Thanks,"


End file.
